May. 1st, 2009

I got fired this morning. The term used was "lay-off due to financial considerations". I was called down to my manager's office and escorted to our main conference room to join three other people from my department and with no introduction whatsoever, we were then read a letter explaining that we were being terminated, effective immediately, term, conditions, blah blah blah, most of which I did not hear, because I was quietly crying with my head turned away from the table. Then we were all handed a big packet of stuff that we're supposed to review and sign and then told "to avoid any discomfort from questions from your coworkers" (translation "to avoid a scene") "you will be escorted to collect your personal belongings and exit the building"

I walked out of the room, chased by my manager, went straight to the ladies room, sobbed for a few minutes, came out to find (as expected) my manager waiting outside the door, and was escorted to my cubical to pack up my things. I was not allowed to speak to anyone or take my notebooks. I have written a lot of very ugly things about my manager in my notebooks over the past year and a half. I told him to be sure and read them carefully. Then I threw them on the floor at his feet, told him not to speak to me and told him to be sure and shut the door tightly once I was out of the building so I couldn't get back in, called him a fat little fuck and left.

Just now, I e-mailed my former coworkers to tell them goodbye and good luck and they could call me if they needed any information, since I wasn't allowed to say goodbye before I left.

I'm almost 45 years old. I've had seven jobs in my adult life. This is the only one I've ever been fired from. It's quite the experience.

I have no idea what I'm going to do next. I don't even really know what I'm feeling right now. Sad. Embarrassed. Angry. Betrayed. Pathetic. Scared. Hopeless. Rejected. Abused. Tired. Very tired. And stupid. Very stupid. And apparently I don't even matter enough to ask what I had going on that might be important right now.

So I guess I'll be polishing up that gorgeous resume of mine that shows six jobs in nine years and see if anyone will even give it a second look in this booming economy. It's going to be a great summer.



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