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my new job, part 3: the supporting cast
Another week gone by. Jeff and I went out for drinks and appetizers with the folks from work on Wednesday night. I had a lot of fun. I think jeff may have enjoyed himself a little bit, too. The good news is that I’m feeling more and more comfortable with MB. The bad news is that I found out this week that Carl2 might be leaving us soon to take an EMT job with an ambulance company. He has a med tech degree and fireman training and has been looking for a job in his field for a few months now. The warehouse job was just to pay the bills until he found something else. Bummer.
Well, you’ve got the scoop on the store employees, but now you need to know about some of the company employees from our hub and some of our best customers. So here we go:
Let me say that it’s going to be harder to come up with pseudonyms for these guys. A lot of them are extremely Italian and have extremely Italian names like Tony and Joe and Nick. So the impulse is to give them extremely Italian aliases, but I’d just end up playing musical names with them if I did that. *l* let me see how creative I can get with ethnic names…
the IT guy:how about Valentino? That works. *l* he’s from our buffalo store, but he goes out to all the stores to do computer systems training. Valentino looks like he came out of a godfather movie. He’s short, hairy (especially on his chest, which he makes sure we can all see), verbose, gregarious, um…(how to put this nicely? Because I don’t mean it offensively. I happen to find it enjoyable)…not particularly genteel. There. That works. *g* I spent my first week on the job with Valentino. He taught me the basics of our company software and how to do most of the things I do as of now. He was _supposed_ to come back last month and teach me more stuff, but got sidetracked at one of the other stores and stood me up. I was crushed. I need to learn more stuff! oh, but despite the fact that he’s not particularly genteel, he IS a gentleman. He smokes, so the first day he asked me if I would be bothered if he smoked. I thought he meant in front of me, and I asked if that was even permitted in the building (it’s not). But he said he meant to do it outside, but he just didn’t want me to be offended by his breath after his cigarette. *l* I told him I’d didn’t have a problem with it.
the transfer driver: Giovanni. They don’t get more Italian than this guy. I hope the phrase ‘just off the boat’ isn’t considered offensive (I don’t intend it that way), because Giovanni is about 5 minutes off the boat. He speaks English. Sort of. When he gets excited, he combines Italian and English into a sort of barely comprehensible babble. You have to get the jist of it from facial expressions and gestures. He’s a jolly, hairy, boisterous little round man. Full grayish-white beard. Giovanni drives the company truck on a circuit of the hub three days a week. He moves inventory from one store to another and carries paperwork back and forth as a side mission.
Here’s a cute story about Giovanni as told to me by Carl2. the other day Gio came with his regular delivery and needed some help changing the axel position on his truck. He has had Carl2 help him do that for him a few times in the past, but not in a while. Apparently, when Giovanni says the word ‘axel’, it sounds like ‘asshole’. And since his English is not always readily understandable by non-italian-americans, he tends to be a man of few words when giving directions. Oh, and the warehouse is cavernous and a little noisy, so it’s not always easy to understand native English speakers in there, either. While Carl2 has his back to him, Gio suddenly yells something garbled about ‘asshole’. Carl2 does a double-take, turns around, and says “what?!” Gio repeats himself more loudly and Carl2 still only gets “asshole!” out of it. So he continues to look puzzled and asks what again. This gets Giovanni excited. Thus a rapid stream of Italio-English babble ensues, punctuated by “asshole asshole asshole!” Fortunately, it includes pointing gestures and it suddenly dawns on poor Carl2 that he isn’t being maligned, nor is Gio looking for Fuck Up. All’s well that ends well.
MB’s father: we can just call him Daddy. That’s what MB calls him. Well, not in front of people, generally. Actually, she tends to call him by his first name when she’s talking to him in the store or about him to employees or customers. But I’ve heard her on the phone with him or her mom, and then she calls him Daddy. *g* Daddy is in hub management out of our Pittsburgh location. He’s the one who did my initial interview and encouraged MB to hire me. I’m not entirely sure she wanted an office assistant. I think that was a dictate from her dad and the owner. But she seems to be warming up to the idea, so that’s good. Anyway, Daddy is a really nice guy. He looks a bit like Sean Connery, only not quite as rounded as SC has become as he has aged. He’s very soft spoken and genial. He and I got comfortable with each other right away. So I figure if MB has issues with me ever, he at least will give me a chance to defend myself. He’s only around about once a month or so, just to see how things are going. But he talks with MB on the phone pretty regularly.
product rep #1: Opie. He doesn’t look like Opie, but he’s just such a nice all-american kinda guy that it fits. He’s also a little bit goofy. Opie is the sales rep for one of the manufacturers that supplies us with a vital tile accessory. The stuff that you stick the tile to instead of sticking it to your dry-wall. Opie used to work for our company, so he knows most of our folks well. Now he just drops by about once a month to tell us about product promotions, changes, or additions, and to bring us presents. He brings lots of presents. Pens, post-it pads, shirts, hats, calendars, etc. – all with his product logo and info on them. Last month he gave me a deck of playing cards with his company logo on the backs and instructions for using the product on the joker cards. Opie loves the Dallas Cowboys. He got quite offended when I told him I didn’t like Tom Landry.
dealer #1:Sugar Daddy (as opposed to just Daddy). He’s not _really_ a sugar daddy. He just wants to be one. He wants to be MB’s sugar daddy *l*. this is yet another quintessential Italian male. He’s probably late 50’s or early 60’s, short, hairy, extremely self-confident and gregarious and quite the stud-buster.
[aside: I know not all Italian men are short. But our Italian men that frequent the store are all short. I mean really short. Like about 5 feet tall.]
Sugar Daddy is a partner in a retail establishment that sells the products we wholesale to him. He’s in the store about every other day. He sweet talks MB and buys her lots of gifts. He’s married. That doesn’t deter him.
business customer #1: Zeus. He’s not Italian. He’s Greek. So Greek. *lol* Zeus thinks he’s god’s gift to women. Or man’s gift to the gods. Or something. He’s in a similar age bracket to Sugar Daddy and I think he’d like the job, too. He’s not so short, but he’s quite hairy (and every bit as proud of his chest hair as Valentino), a bit greasy, and…aromatic.
Zeus owns a few popular local restaurants. One he acquired fairly recently, and he’s redecorating it. Our company supplied the tile for another of his places, so now he’s back to us to help with this new one. The other day he stopped by the store to look at some samples for his entryway. He wanted something that would go well with his new kitchen tile, but be more elegant. He was having trouble deciding between two nice glossy tiles of the same brand but slightly different shades of off white. MB spent quite a bit of time discussing it with him and taking him around the showroom to look at other things (during which time he was suddenly inspired to hug her and coat her in his potent cologne for the second time in a week) and then she got a phone call she had to take. So Zeus wandered back over to his two tile samples and a sample of the existing kitchen tile and studied them some more.
Suddenly he looked at me and said “how about you?! Iffa you had to decide, whicha one woulda you pick?!” I had to walk over to where he was standing and study the tiles for myself, of course, before making a decision. I chose one that was slightly more white – the other was very slightly pinkish. He pondered this a moment and then nodded enthusiastically. “yep yep yep. Thisa one isa too red. Yep yep. I agree. You’re right. Thisa one isa too red.” I had said nothing about the color.
Then MB got off the phone and he theatrically announced that he had chosen the whiter one. Because the other one wasa too red. And because ‘she’ (me) agreed with him. And he always takes women’s opinions because they are right. Except when he doesn’t. then he laughed uproariously. Then he told us he was going to leave. But he had to tell us one more thing. But he got side-tracked. But “thank god for [something or other]” “But wait! Wheresa God? Is he up there? *points* Is he down here? *gestures* You know what I thinka god is? It’sa women! Because women make men happy. Or men make women happy. You know?!”
At this point, he recalled another thing he needed to tell us. A story. (I’m dropping the cheesy accent because it’s tedious for a tale of any length when typing. But be sure to imagine both the accent and a high falsetto whenever he has the woman speaking.) (oh and you should also be aware that he talks extremely fast. So imagine it fast.) “Once there was a woman in Greece during the War. Her husband was a soldier, so he was away at the War and she had no money to buy food for her children. She went to the grocer and she said to him (Remember, fast falsetto) “oh, my husband is a soldier and he’s away at the War and I have no money to feed my children! What can I do? Will you give me the food?” and the man says “what? I’m just gonna give you food? I’ll tell you what, you have sex with me and I’ll give you food.” And she was shocked and said “oh no! I can’t do that!” but he convinces her, so later he goes to her house and they make love and she says (very fast and very falsetto) “oh! It feels so good!” and he says “oh! It feels so good!” and she says “OH! It feels so GOOD!” and he says “OH! It feels so GOOD” (and I do believe there was yet a third and even more enthusiastic repetition of this phrasing – as is obligatory in any good greek epic). Then the next day she goes to the store and asks for her food. And he says, “wait. Let me ask you…did you have a good time last night?” and she says “yes.” And smiles. And he asks her again, “did you have a really good time last night?” and she smiles and says, “yes!” (one more time, with all caps) and he says, “then you owe me $100 for the groceries.”
At which point Zeus laughs uproariously, promises no more greek jokes and departs with a flourish.
contractor #1:Joe Pesci. Sounds like Peshy. Looks like Pesky. Heh. I’m only calling him that because that’s what MB calls him. Joe Pesci. The embellishment is my own. Personally, I only think he looks vaguely like Pesci. And he does NOT have that annoyingly whiny voice. But he is pesky yet amusing like that. And is _yet another_ short hairy gregarious married Italian with designs on MB!
[aside: after my first week of meeting a plethora of short hairy Italian men, none of whom I was sure how they were connected to the company exactly, I began to have concerns that the ‘tile business’ was…funny business. But so far, there has been no further indication of that. *l*]
Joe Pesci is in the store every single day. Sometimes several times a day. He is runs a small business that involves laying tile for variety of residential and commercial customers. He buys the tile and supplies primarily from us. He sends customers to us and we refer customers to him. It’s a very mutually beneficial relationship. He also brings us food, brightens our days, and hosts parties on a regular basis. He’s a total flirt. I think he loves women the same way I love men.
He also has a very thick and charming Italian accent. Every time he sees me he yells ‘hey chuli! How you doing?!’ (not in a joey tribiani fashion, but in a very cheerful singsong fashion). He greets Laverne and Roseanne in a similar fashion. Then he goes and chats up MB for long stretches of time. They’re so cute because they’re exactly the same height. Everyone teases her about messing around with him and she gets all up in arms and says she’s friends with his wife. He calls her his second wife. *snicker*
When I had been at the store all of about two weeks, I was out at the sales counter area to put something in a file drawer when Ton… Joe Pesci happened to be sitting in front of the drawer I needed. There was some initial confusion on his part as to why I was suddenly in his space, but then Laverne yelled at him to MOVE because I needed to get into the drawer. I actually had quietly and politely and meekly made a similar request to start with that he apparently hadn’t heard. After Laverne shouted at him, he scooted over just enough that I could open the drawer and then patted his thighs and said “chuli – why don’t you sit on my legs?” I stared at him blankly, quite startled, and said, (such a saucy comeback) “what?”
He repeated himself and Laverne was affronted for me. “[Joe Pesci]! Behave yourself!”
“What?! All I did was ask her to sit on my legs! She might _like_ to sit on my legs! You never know!”
*snicker*
I said, “no. you never do know. I might. But I doubt my husband would like it. *sweetly wicked smile*”
He just grinned really big…
and just as a final explanation to the supporting cast category – you’ll note that I added a #1 to several of the generic positions. That’s only because there might be add-ons for each of those types in the future. We have lots of reps, dealers, business customers, and contractors. And there might be retail customers to add at some point, too.
Next, the plot.
Well, you’ve got the scoop on the store employees, but now you need to know about some of the company employees from our hub and some of our best customers. So here we go:
Let me say that it’s going to be harder to come up with pseudonyms for these guys. A lot of them are extremely Italian and have extremely Italian names like Tony and Joe and Nick. So the impulse is to give them extremely Italian aliases, but I’d just end up playing musical names with them if I did that. *l* let me see how creative I can get with ethnic names…
the IT guy:how about Valentino? That works. *l* he’s from our buffalo store, but he goes out to all the stores to do computer systems training. Valentino looks like he came out of a godfather movie. He’s short, hairy (especially on his chest, which he makes sure we can all see), verbose, gregarious, um…(how to put this nicely? Because I don’t mean it offensively. I happen to find it enjoyable)…not particularly genteel. There. That works. *g* I spent my first week on the job with Valentino. He taught me the basics of our company software and how to do most of the things I do as of now. He was _supposed_ to come back last month and teach me more stuff, but got sidetracked at one of the other stores and stood me up. I was crushed. I need to learn more stuff! oh, but despite the fact that he’s not particularly genteel, he IS a gentleman. He smokes, so the first day he asked me if I would be bothered if he smoked. I thought he meant in front of me, and I asked if that was even permitted in the building (it’s not). But he said he meant to do it outside, but he just didn’t want me to be offended by his breath after his cigarette. *l* I told him I’d didn’t have a problem with it.
the transfer driver: Giovanni. They don’t get more Italian than this guy. I hope the phrase ‘just off the boat’ isn’t considered offensive (I don’t intend it that way), because Giovanni is about 5 minutes off the boat. He speaks English. Sort of. When he gets excited, he combines Italian and English into a sort of barely comprehensible babble. You have to get the jist of it from facial expressions and gestures. He’s a jolly, hairy, boisterous little round man. Full grayish-white beard. Giovanni drives the company truck on a circuit of the hub three days a week. He moves inventory from one store to another and carries paperwork back and forth as a side mission.
Here’s a cute story about Giovanni as told to me by Carl2. the other day Gio came with his regular delivery and needed some help changing the axel position on his truck. He has had Carl2 help him do that for him a few times in the past, but not in a while. Apparently, when Giovanni says the word ‘axel’, it sounds like ‘asshole’. And since his English is not always readily understandable by non-italian-americans, he tends to be a man of few words when giving directions. Oh, and the warehouse is cavernous and a little noisy, so it’s not always easy to understand native English speakers in there, either. While Carl2 has his back to him, Gio suddenly yells something garbled about ‘asshole’. Carl2 does a double-take, turns around, and says “what?!” Gio repeats himself more loudly and Carl2 still only gets “asshole!” out of it. So he continues to look puzzled and asks what again. This gets Giovanni excited. Thus a rapid stream of Italio-English babble ensues, punctuated by “asshole asshole asshole!” Fortunately, it includes pointing gestures and it suddenly dawns on poor Carl2 that he isn’t being maligned, nor is Gio looking for Fuck Up. All’s well that ends well.
MB’s father: we can just call him Daddy. That’s what MB calls him. Well, not in front of people, generally. Actually, she tends to call him by his first name when she’s talking to him in the store or about him to employees or customers. But I’ve heard her on the phone with him or her mom, and then she calls him Daddy. *g* Daddy is in hub management out of our Pittsburgh location. He’s the one who did my initial interview and encouraged MB to hire me. I’m not entirely sure she wanted an office assistant. I think that was a dictate from her dad and the owner. But she seems to be warming up to the idea, so that’s good. Anyway, Daddy is a really nice guy. He looks a bit like Sean Connery, only not quite as rounded as SC has become as he has aged. He’s very soft spoken and genial. He and I got comfortable with each other right away. So I figure if MB has issues with me ever, he at least will give me a chance to defend myself. He’s only around about once a month or so, just to see how things are going. But he talks with MB on the phone pretty regularly.
product rep #1: Opie. He doesn’t look like Opie, but he’s just such a nice all-american kinda guy that it fits. He’s also a little bit goofy. Opie is the sales rep for one of the manufacturers that supplies us with a vital tile accessory. The stuff that you stick the tile to instead of sticking it to your dry-wall. Opie used to work for our company, so he knows most of our folks well. Now he just drops by about once a month to tell us about product promotions, changes, or additions, and to bring us presents. He brings lots of presents. Pens, post-it pads, shirts, hats, calendars, etc. – all with his product logo and info on them. Last month he gave me a deck of playing cards with his company logo on the backs and instructions for using the product on the joker cards. Opie loves the Dallas Cowboys. He got quite offended when I told him I didn’t like Tom Landry.
dealer #1:Sugar Daddy (as opposed to just Daddy). He’s not _really_ a sugar daddy. He just wants to be one. He wants to be MB’s sugar daddy *l*. this is yet another quintessential Italian male. He’s probably late 50’s or early 60’s, short, hairy, extremely self-confident and gregarious and quite the stud-buster.
[aside: I know not all Italian men are short. But our Italian men that frequent the store are all short. I mean really short. Like about 5 feet tall.]
Sugar Daddy is a partner in a retail establishment that sells the products we wholesale to him. He’s in the store about every other day. He sweet talks MB and buys her lots of gifts. He’s married. That doesn’t deter him.
business customer #1: Zeus. He’s not Italian. He’s Greek. So Greek. *lol* Zeus thinks he’s god’s gift to women. Or man’s gift to the gods. Or something. He’s in a similar age bracket to Sugar Daddy and I think he’d like the job, too. He’s not so short, but he’s quite hairy (and every bit as proud of his chest hair as Valentino), a bit greasy, and…aromatic.
Zeus owns a few popular local restaurants. One he acquired fairly recently, and he’s redecorating it. Our company supplied the tile for another of his places, so now he’s back to us to help with this new one. The other day he stopped by the store to look at some samples for his entryway. He wanted something that would go well with his new kitchen tile, but be more elegant. He was having trouble deciding between two nice glossy tiles of the same brand but slightly different shades of off white. MB spent quite a bit of time discussing it with him and taking him around the showroom to look at other things (during which time he was suddenly inspired to hug her and coat her in his potent cologne for the second time in a week) and then she got a phone call she had to take. So Zeus wandered back over to his two tile samples and a sample of the existing kitchen tile and studied them some more.
Suddenly he looked at me and said “how about you?! Iffa you had to decide, whicha one woulda you pick?!” I had to walk over to where he was standing and study the tiles for myself, of course, before making a decision. I chose one that was slightly more white – the other was very slightly pinkish. He pondered this a moment and then nodded enthusiastically. “yep yep yep. Thisa one isa too red. Yep yep. I agree. You’re right. Thisa one isa too red.” I had said nothing about the color.
Then MB got off the phone and he theatrically announced that he had chosen the whiter one. Because the other one wasa too red. And because ‘she’ (me) agreed with him. And he always takes women’s opinions because they are right. Except when he doesn’t. then he laughed uproariously. Then he told us he was going to leave. But he had to tell us one more thing. But he got side-tracked. But “thank god for [something or other]” “But wait! Wheresa God? Is he up there? *points* Is he down here? *gestures* You know what I thinka god is? It’sa women! Because women make men happy. Or men make women happy. You know?!”
At this point, he recalled another thing he needed to tell us. A story. (I’m dropping the cheesy accent because it’s tedious for a tale of any length when typing. But be sure to imagine both the accent and a high falsetto whenever he has the woman speaking.) (oh and you should also be aware that he talks extremely fast. So imagine it fast.) “Once there was a woman in Greece during the War. Her husband was a soldier, so he was away at the War and she had no money to buy food for her children. She went to the grocer and she said to him (Remember, fast falsetto) “oh, my husband is a soldier and he’s away at the War and I have no money to feed my children! What can I do? Will you give me the food?” and the man says “what? I’m just gonna give you food? I’ll tell you what, you have sex with me and I’ll give you food.” And she was shocked and said “oh no! I can’t do that!” but he convinces her, so later he goes to her house and they make love and she says (very fast and very falsetto) “oh! It feels so good!” and he says “oh! It feels so good!” and she says “OH! It feels so GOOD!” and he says “OH! It feels so GOOD” (and I do believe there was yet a third and even more enthusiastic repetition of this phrasing – as is obligatory in any good greek epic). Then the next day she goes to the store and asks for her food. And he says, “wait. Let me ask you…did you have a good time last night?” and she says “yes.” And smiles. And he asks her again, “did you have a really good time last night?” and she smiles and says, “yes!” (one more time, with all caps) and he says, “then you owe me $100 for the groceries.”
At which point Zeus laughs uproariously, promises no more greek jokes and departs with a flourish.
contractor #1:Joe Pesci. Sounds like Peshy. Looks like Pesky. Heh. I’m only calling him that because that’s what MB calls him. Joe Pesci. The embellishment is my own. Personally, I only think he looks vaguely like Pesci. And he does NOT have that annoyingly whiny voice. But he is pesky yet amusing like that. And is _yet another_ short hairy gregarious married Italian with designs on MB!
[aside: after my first week of meeting a plethora of short hairy Italian men, none of whom I was sure how they were connected to the company exactly, I began to have concerns that the ‘tile business’ was…funny business. But so far, there has been no further indication of that. *l*]
Joe Pesci is in the store every single day. Sometimes several times a day. He is runs a small business that involves laying tile for variety of residential and commercial customers. He buys the tile and supplies primarily from us. He sends customers to us and we refer customers to him. It’s a very mutually beneficial relationship. He also brings us food, brightens our days, and hosts parties on a regular basis. He’s a total flirt. I think he loves women the same way I love men.
He also has a very thick and charming Italian accent. Every time he sees me he yells ‘hey chuli! How you doing?!’ (not in a joey tribiani fashion, but in a very cheerful singsong fashion). He greets Laverne and Roseanne in a similar fashion. Then he goes and chats up MB for long stretches of time. They’re so cute because they’re exactly the same height. Everyone teases her about messing around with him and she gets all up in arms and says she’s friends with his wife. He calls her his second wife. *snicker*
When I had been at the store all of about two weeks, I was out at the sales counter area to put something in a file drawer when Ton… Joe Pesci happened to be sitting in front of the drawer I needed. There was some initial confusion on his part as to why I was suddenly in his space, but then Laverne yelled at him to MOVE because I needed to get into the drawer. I actually had quietly and politely and meekly made a similar request to start with that he apparently hadn’t heard. After Laverne shouted at him, he scooted over just enough that I could open the drawer and then patted his thighs and said “chuli – why don’t you sit on my legs?” I stared at him blankly, quite startled, and said, (such a saucy comeback) “what?”
He repeated himself and Laverne was affronted for me. “[Joe Pesci]! Behave yourself!”
“What?! All I did was ask her to sit on my legs! She might _like_ to sit on my legs! You never know!”
*snicker*
I said, “no. you never do know. I might. But I doubt my husband would like it. *sweetly wicked smile*”
He just grinned really big…
and just as a final explanation to the supporting cast category – you’ll note that I added a #1 to several of the generic positions. That’s only because there might be add-ons for each of those types in the future. We have lots of reps, dealers, business customers, and contractors. And there might be retail customers to add at some point, too.
Next, the plot.
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